This article is a quick touch on how your subconscious has a hidden agenda to protect you from past trauma, loss or embarrassment. When we are first born our little baby brains feel what the person holding us is feeling and assumes they caused that feeling. This is wonderful if the parents are loving, happy with the new baby and have all the resources and desires needed to raise it. However, if the family is in a lot financial or emotional stress or if an older sibling or even mom are jealous of the attention the new baby is getting it’s a different story.
When the new baby feels the stress, worry or jealousy and assumes they are causing it this is called an imprint belief which can be very hard to change.
Let’s look at the outcome. If your core belief is that your existence causes someone else to suffer or be inconvenienced it is the natural response to behave in a way that would prevent that feeling in others. This causes placating behavior, trying to be everything to everyone, until you lose your own identity or wants and needs. The danger of this behavior is that it lands on anger and resentment. This becomes a predatorial behavior because the anger and resentment is toward the person you were over giving to in the first place. Remember, they usually didn’t expect or ask for the special treatment. Often we train someone into treating us the way they do because of subconscious traps. These traps can be believable rationalizations for example:
“it’s just easier if I do it myself, it only takes a minute”
“I don’t care enough about that (personal desire) I can let it go”
“It makes me happy to see you happy”
“I can get into anything, my interests aren’t that big a deal”
A placater looks and feels so genuine that even they don’t realize they are going past boundary and sacrificing themselves. It even feels selfish or inconvenient to put themselves first. This is no excuse to not change. The latent anger and resentment will over time either destroy the relationship or cause physical illness like arthritis, gout, rheumatism, fibromyalgia, or low back pain. Dr Edgar Barnett called this “Crime of Existence”.
There is also “Crime of Gender” if Mom or Dad wanted a boy instead of a girl or vice versa or if the parent of the same sex is less stable or unloving. This child associates the opposite sex parent as being better thus causing a belief that they are less than for being their natural gender or wanting to be more like the other gender. This can become extreme enough to cause homosexuality but often shows up as opposite sex behaviors. Our mother’s opinion of dad is how we create our views toward the sexes. If a boy sees their mom being critical of dad they may become a male apologist; apologizing for their own gender. This survival strategy can make men a mark for poor intentioned women later on in life. Girl or boy in this situation will often only believe or respect women rather than men. This make learning or being directed in their adulthood a challenge if they can only be directed by one gender.
So, what are you trying to prove? If you look at your whole life objectively what patterns or beliefs do you have that seem to repeat? Would you like to stop protecting or proving yourself so you can be neutral and curious about the world instead?
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